some scattered thoughts

I've been wanting to write. I've sat down and opened up the New Post page and then I just sit here. I have things I want to say. I have stories I'd love to share. But they aren't coming. Some things have been getting me down and to write about them would mean I'd have to face them head on and I just don't want to right now. I want to go on pretending to myself that I can handle everything and I'm not overwhelmed and anxious. Let's just say that I'm taking over a large part of Sam's schooling myself because he is not able to learn it at school and things are going downhill fast over there. He has numerous appointments with a variety of doctors and is being re-evaluated by the school. I was told by the school physcologist and his teacher "we don't want you to get your hopes up. It's highly unlikely he'll qualify for services." And yet, they had no suggestions to help Sam with his struggles and shot down the ideas I brought to the table. They just seem to want to complain to me. Well, guess what? I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!

I had a horrific dream last night. I was with a couple of my sisters and all our children and we were walking down a street that split. I was standing at the split shunting the kids to the side we were heading down and preventing them from going across the other which was a very busy street with huge eighteen wheelers barrelling down it. I didn't realize there was a gap in the fence and I watched as Teresa skipped down the street, slipped through the gap in the fence and ran across the busy road. I was screaming for her to stop but the trucks were so loud she couldn't hear me and I watched horrified as she was hit by one of the trucks. That's when I woke up with a feeling of utter terror and overwhelming sadness. I don't put much stock in dreams and don't think they are much beyond our subconsious playing out the wanderings of our minds. But I haven't been able to shake the horror of this dream.

And just so this post isn't all doom and gloom...
This morning in church our Priest gathered the First Communion class and spoke with them about prayer. He told them that a good way to pray is to go somewhere quiet and to immerse themselves in their play. He also mentioned that people should pray every day. Sam informed me on the way home from Religious Education that he needed to go up to his room and play. That God wants him to stay up there all the time and play because playing and praying are the same thing. Before I could fine tune what the Priest was actually trying to say Sam added "I guess you're just going to have to bring my food upstairs to me from now on. "