Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Drowning in questions

Today I feel like I did nothing right. I feel like I failed. And I don't know how to make it right. My heart aches for Sam. I found out at parent-teacher conferences tonight that Sam is crying in school. He is crying in school because kids are being mean. My sweet kind little boy thinks he has no friends. I'm so angry. Why didn't his teacher tell me this sooner? What do I do? Who do I ask for help? I can't force kids to be his friends. I just want to keep him home and help him remember how amazing he is. But I can't. I have to push him back out into a world that does not appreciate how incredible he is. We have to tackle this like we tackled signing and speech and tantrums and low muscle tone and sensory integration. But this I don't have a plan for. No one can tell me we start here at point a and with work will end up here at point b. Why didn't he say anything to me? Did I do something or not do something that got him to this place? I know he knows how to be a friend. I see it over and over every single day. Does he not behave the same way at school? He's had friends before, what's different now? Why does something that should be so easy have to be so friggin difficult? How can a little boy who is nothing if not kind and friendly not have a friend? I just don't know. I have no answers. I have endless amounts of questions but no answers.


Wilma said...

Marie, that's so sad. I think he has a BAD TEACHER. (I feel like whacking her on the head, seriously, I'm MAD). Kids can be very mean, nasty and exclusive. Sam doesn't fit in with them, so they're mean. It's the adults in their lives (parents and teachers) who need to help them learn to be kind, pleasant and inclusive.

It's very hard to be different, especially when you're a sensitive person. I honestly don't know if it would harm a kid like Sam to stay out of the school system for a bit. But that's just my opinion.

I hope you and Sam and his (bad) teacher can figure out how to help Sam. I'm really sad and mad for him.

Wilma said...

Oh, and one more thing, you didn't fail him. You're such an awesome champion for your son, you're an inspiration. It's the teacher that failed, and someone should tell her.

Marie said...

Thanks Wilma :) I'm still trying to process this and figure out where to go from here. I will be speaking to his teacher again, soon, as well as the school psychologist. I am so very very upset with the delay in addressing this and the casual way in which it was handled. And it's just really hard not to feel like I've let him down in some way. It still breaks my heart to think about it.

kidletsmum said...

I agree with Wilma. You did not fail him. You are a great momma.
My heart breaks for the poor boy. Kids can be so horrible.
Is there anyway you CAN keep him out of school for awhile? Show those little bastards in his class what they're missing if he's not there?

Jean said...

OH Marie, this is terrible! I think I'd feel exactly like you do, even though when I read your words I say "it is NOT her fault!!" I can't believe the teacher did not tell you about this!!