Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Drowning in questions
Today I feel like I did nothing right. I feel like I failed. And I don't know how to make it right. My heart aches for Sam. I found out at parent-teacher conferences tonight that Sam is crying in school. He is crying in school because kids are being mean. My sweet kind little boy thinks he has no friends. I'm so angry. Why didn't his teacher tell me this sooner? What do I do? Who do I ask for help? I can't force kids to be his friends. I just want to keep him home and help him remember how amazing he is. But I can't. I have to push him back out into a world that does not appreciate how incredible he is. We have to tackle this like we tackled signing and speech and tantrums and low muscle tone and sensory integration. But this I don't have a plan for. No one can tell me we start here at point a and with work will end up here at point b. Why didn't he say anything to me? Did I do something or not do something that got him to this place? I know he knows how to be a friend. I see it over and over every single day. Does he not behave the same way at school? He's had friends before, what's different now? Why does something that should be so easy have to be so friggin difficult? How can a little boy who is nothing if not kind and friendly not have a friend? I just don't know. I have no answers. I have endless amounts of questions but no answers.